Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
