It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
