I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think i have two assholes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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