sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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