i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
