How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize