he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So much rum. So many feels.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
