I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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