I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
