I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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