I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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