can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
