went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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