never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
