This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
