It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
