I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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