you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
