Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
