I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
