Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
