I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
