Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
