I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
