APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
