why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
