Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
