I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
