Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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