if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
