i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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