I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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