you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
