I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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