whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Terrible idea I love it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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