JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
