I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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