woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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