I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
