We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
