i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
