Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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