she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize