He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
