We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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