i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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