you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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