my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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