Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
