Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
