Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
