I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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