Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
