Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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