His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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