He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
