you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
