There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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