I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize