Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
