I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize