I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
