After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
