I just threw up on my dentist
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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