Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
