end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
