I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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