the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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