can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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